Post #540347 by telescopes on Thu, Jul 1, 2010 8:47 PM

Today, I walked into the Bevmo in La Quinta and asked the following, "Do you have Falernum?"

Cashier: No, what's that?

Me: It's a cordial... kind of like a sweetner. Let's try this... Do you carry any Fee Brothers products"

Cashier: Ah, no, of course not.

Me: Really?

Cashier: Why would we?

Me: Seriously, this is a liquor store, right?

Cashier: Yes....

Me: Okay, I'll go out on a limb. Do you have any Pimento Dram?

Cashier: (strange look)

Me: Okay, it's an allspice cordial

Cashier: Oh, you'll never find any of those things here in the Coachella Valley. They don't make those things.

Me: Sure they do. I usually buy my Falernum at Jenson's but since I'm here, I thought I'd take a look here.

Cashier: Let me get the manager.

Manager: Ah, they don't make those things anymore.

Me: Really, hmmm, you know they're on your website.

Manager: Really?

Me: Let me take a look around.

Manager follows me. He seems concerned.

Me: See, here is the Falernum and my.... Here is the St. Elizabeth Allspice.

Manager: I've never seen these things before.

Needless to say, I need some LSD to find my way back to reality.

Seriously, I am so tired of neophytes telling me I am an idiot and need to listen to the common sense of the crowd.

On that note, I think I'll get some vodka, put it in the freezer, then put it in a glass and call it a martini.